I have dove into my makeup bag three times this morning, and it isn’t even 9 a.m. No, I am definitely not that vain (really)! I cannot stop crying! I knew when I woke up this morning, something was “off.” It wasn’t necessarily a “smooth sailing” kind of a morning (things like I could not open my medicine bottle about threw me over the edge). I admit…there has been some huffing and puffing, major eye-rolling, lack of patience and some choice words come out of my mouth…for no good reason!
Mornings are TYPICALLY the best time of the day for me. It is Friday. What. Is. My. Problem?!? Then, I look at my phone. The date takes my breath away. It pierces me at my core. It helps things “make sense” (keep in mind, really nothing makes sense). Tylor died on the 16th of June. No matter the month, the I am ALWAYS an emotional train wreck on the 16th. This morning, when I realized it was the dreaded monthly date…I got angry. I got sad. I started my day confused. Seriously, can I EVER enjoy the 16th again?! How am I going to live the rest of my life this way? Such a heart-wrenching thought.
Then finally, is Tylor really gone (I STILL can’t fully comprehend it). This is a lot before 9 a.m. But then I remember, I am still here. I am choosing today, the 16th of the month, to turn that “I am going to scream” energy into motivation to love on others, serve with a grateful heart, enjoy the little things, embrace the many gifts that have surfaced…and ultimately, get over my big, bad self. Also, this is a great reminder for me, especially…that I have NO idea what is causing someone to be a little “off,” and to have some grace and patience today, and every day. Cheers to putting on the “thankful pants” (which are much cuter and fashionable than “grumpy pants.”)